Thursday, October 28, 2010


where are you when i need you? yes. you and You. apparently im a single fighter indeed.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

a goodbye

it is sad to see your best friend goes into different direction and knowing that you cant follow them. and it completely breaks your heart when you realise that your best friend, is no longer your best. it is funny when we used to share things and spend hours talking about almost everything, but now, we are just completely strangers. dont you know that it hurts to see that nothing left from you but a cold back? then walk, walk away. memories are fading and it is no longer my lost. Iam trying to adjust and move on. cause life goes on.

thank you for everything,
we remain good friends.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

i come to You

Dear God
How i miss talking to You God. I have been acting so arrogant thinking that i do not need talking to You. I have been acting unfaithfully, thinking that talking to You will not solve any problem, will not make things better. Forgive me God.

Dear God
I cannot find any words to explain how fragile i am. The storm inside my head. I barely can figure it out. Things happen. and i am too blind to see.

Dear God
Why do you have to make everything immortal. Something good never lasts forever. So why do we have to live if everything will meet its end?

Dear God
Words fail me. Amen.

"di saat iman mu goyah, disitulah iman mu dikuatkan dhis"
a friend that im pretty sure dont want his name to be mentioned here.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

a glimpse of sorry

for those who often say that time heels, must have not known the power of sorry.

thus, i just want to say. i forgive u. even it takes more than 2 years for you to come to me and say sorry. oh well its better than nothing.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


guess what?
i was featured on page 10 of City Magazine and City News

dad, this one is for you
to make you proud :)

ur darling daughter

Saturday, August 28, 2010

the world bites

i know that God is trying to put me into something, testing me on something. to learn, to grow, to be fruitful, by putting me in the bottom of everything.
for the very first time, i am not able to control things.
for the very first time, i am enable to get what i want.
for the very first time, people take me for granted.
my pride hurt, and i fall.
the world moves on, and it doesnt bring me along with it.
simply because it runs, and i remain walking.

im about to fall from grace, and you are not there to lift me up
oh i forgot. ur never there

Friday, June 18, 2010

mars n venus

sometime in twitter
naftaliaadhis moon can somehow be distant and cold. oh well, like Mars even has a moon. does it hav stars instead?
hanya_joan @naftaliaadhis at least Mars could be sweet and nice though its far away from venus. Venus sometime nvr know how Mars missing bein wit Venus

words fail me ...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

back off

for you who have set me as ur checking point of ur achievement, you who have set me as your objective to beat me in the first place, please, for the love of God, leave me alone. and i would completely appreciate if you dont bring my name for comparison in every achievement u have got.

favor to ask

God, ive been doing a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and it is incredibly suck. please, I dont want to do it with You.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Dear God,
i know You have been watching me like forever and You can see, how my pride hurted. i thank You for the people who have been so nice to me, for the chances that You have given for me. and i thank You, For the people that have been taking me for granted for some reasons, people who have been ignoring my thought, people who never take me seriously because of my limitation, because of my incapability. God, i beg You, heal me. Give me understanding that we, human, have our own part in this world.

Dear God,
You know how hurted it is when You feel like You cant count on anybody but Yourself. I know it feels like i forget to be grateful for people that You have given to me to help me. You know what it is about God, You know it so well. Words cant describe how i feel. You see beyond my heart. You see my tears during the night, and no one hears. i should have known that i cant count on nobody but You. not even the one that i always look up to Forgive me God. Forgive me that i prefer to count on something that i think more real than You. Who am i to think that You are surreal.

Dear God,
i will be one year older in few days, and i feel like i am supposed to feel special or something. no, i dont. i have this big dark shadow in my heart called emptiness. i cant move on. i simply cant.
anyway, 20 is a big deal, i dont think im ready to have this number in my forehead. Give me wisdom God, You know that im not even close to it. no im not.

Dear God,
You know what bothers me the most lately. You know how this future thingy has scared me like totally. You know how afraid i am not to finally get what i have been working for. You know how terrified i am not to have things i want the most. You know it all God. stand by me, give me the strength and serenity to accept things i cannot control. You know that world does not revolve around me that i cant always get what i always wanted. God, i need more strength, cause im just a human, fragile.

Dear God,
as usual, words fail me. if only i could talk to You face to face, like bestfriends always do. if only You could hug me and whisper me that everything is gonna be allright. Cause now, i desperately need one.

nb: what took You so long to heal me? is it inappropriate to ask for an instant healing?

thank You

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Promotor

for more information



E: How can i convince you?
A: Just stay here and be with me
E: i will. in 2 years time
A: its way too long you know
E: girl, i need you to understand
A: well ..
E: till then, i beg you to never let me go

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Brisbane Racing Festival

it was bloody hot back then. but i insanely enjoy every second of it. not because it was hot but simply because it was completely fun. not being exaggerating, but yea. had heaps of fun :D

Saturday, May 15, 2010


when i was like 5, i really want to be
1. architect
2. astronout
3. radio announcer
4. pilot

n now age almost 20, i really want to be
1. advertising copywriter
2. music video director
3. radio announcer
4. personal shopper

i found 2 things in common there *drum rolls

1. i have four dreams, not actually one. we supposed to be having only one dream to make it focus ey? that is the inconsistency of what i want to be until now which equals to me completely have no idea of what i actually want even at this stage, when i supposed to be sure about it
2. i wanted and still want to be a radio announcer. but screw that, online media kills the radio star. radio is soo traditional way of media, now is the era of online media. *long sigh.

an early morning slap

early conversation back then

Blanche : what have u been up to these days Adhis? havent heard from u for so long
Me : everything seems chaos Blanche :'( miss hanging around with youuu
Blanche : why? what could be going wrong in your wonderful life? you have heaps of achievements, a gorgeous boyfriend, your mom come to visit not long ago, surrounded by good friends, good grades. whats wrong?
Me : well, uhhmm ooh..

so the problem is just me then
i should have answered her:
"nothing Blanche, i just forget how to be grateful"

and i keep playing dramaqueen

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

the art of being grateful

For every accomplishment that i have got, i feel guilty for keep complaining. but believe me, this thing is not as great as u guys see from the outside. i just cant help for murmuring. one thing that starts waking me up from the dream is when one of my friend said "ah elo mah kapan sih ga galau?" frankly, i hate it when he's right. and he's always right. UGH.

anyway, maybe its me, yang udah lupa gimana caranya bersyukur. being here, healthy, active oh yea what can gone wrong? a lot, i tell u.

have u ever felt like everything is gone wrong but u dont know what exactly it is? it happens to me.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Story Bridge

The 30 ambassadors got the chance to climb the Story Bridge.

Apa sih Story Bridge? Story Bridge itu salah satu jembatan terkenal di Brisbane yang terletak di Kangoroo Point. So by seeing the picture above, can u imagine how awesome is that to be in the top of the Story Bridge? seeing the whole Brisbane from the top of it? i can proudly say, I HAVE BEEN THERE. thanks to Study Brisbane yang udah kasi kesempatan buat ambasador-ambasadornya ada di atas sana.

Penasaran kan? come visit Brisbane. the city that has so many things to offer ;)

Brisbane Student Ambassador 2010

Formal Induction Ceremony with Brisbane Lord Mayor Campbell Newman

yes, the bittersweet phobia got into the 30 Brisbane International Student Ambassador. how magical it is? i completely thank God for the opportunity that He has given to me. just like old days, the quote that reminds me to be humble "Great power comes great responsibility"

Jadi teman-teman Indonesia yang ingin tahu lebih banyak tentang Brisbane, dan yang ingin tanya-tanya bagaimana rasanya hidup di Brisbane, kuliah/sekolah di Brisbane, bisa click di TANYA AMBASSADOR, dan saya sebagai Brisbane Student Ambassador yang baru siap menjawab dan share pengalaman-pengalaman saya di sini.

o btw, this is the official news article:

in addition to all that, I even got into The Australian and Courier Mail as well.

how cool is that ? :D

Thursday, April 15, 2010

hey distance,

which one of us that you think is going to give up first?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

reality bites

"life is under no obligation to give us what we expect."
margaret mitchell

just because reality is far from your dream, doesn't mean you have to hate waking.
just because someone fails to do something, doesn't mean they r not worth keeping.
i'm struggling to keep my eyes open to the alternative reality of things, trying not expect anything out of anybody else but myself.

ps: dammit, it is soo true

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Monday, April 12, 2010

here we go again

no matter how well we plan everything, life has its own plan for us. it is beyond our control, our power. u might be dissapointed. but as shit as it is, it happens. people keep bluffing around that nobody is perfect, but as pathetic as it is, people keep forcing us to be perfect. just like when it is wrong to be expert and it is also wrong to be less than that. human logic can be inlogical sometimes. God, whyd u have to create it soo complicated? just like life, u make it far more complicated. or maybe u know something that i dont know? yea right. what do i know?

Friday, April 9, 2010


I shout to the sea, and finally the wave stops and seems like staring on my eyes, trying to calm me down. Is it me or is it true. Eventhough the sea doesn look very usual, i keep on denying. Is it me or is it not. The sea and the fire dont have things in common. But simply, it takes more than commonest to blend.

by the way, i have been always wondering. how does it feel? to be in the moon. to be able to walk on it, day by day. will it be as beautiful as what i see from the earth? or is it far more beautiful? what i only know is i used to dream of it. years ago.

If only the moon were close to the earth. I would be able to reach it and feel its beauty. I wont need to find the sea, trying to find the reflection of the moon. it is just because i cant reach the moon, literally.

I know iam not that strong enough to get on to the sea anyway. I mean, come on. i hate water. And unfortunately sea is a big place covered up with water. This place is just not for me. i keep ensuring my self that.

But then i realise, now i get to see it through my apartment's window, eventually. only by looking out through my window, i can see the moon. it is just more than a girl could ask for. why do i need to so demanding anyway? it is here, in front of me. even u cant touch it, u still can feel it. nonetheless its far away.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


there's a stranger, who had been so dumb enough to get into the game even people have warned her before. there's a stranger, who had been soo arrogant, thinking that she was different and she could make it til the end. no one could ever stop her, even the storm strikes so bad. there's a stranger, who flied too high with her expectation but fell of by the gravitation. she should have known that the sky has the limit and her heart has its own bound. She tested her own patience and get burned by her own curiosity. n now she is dying. dying by her own mind, dying by the endless pain and now dying to leave. but it is too late. the doors have been closed, and there's no way that she could leave the circle.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

anniversary is like wine, the older the better

oh yes u are soo permitted to bring friends :)

Monday, February 15, 2010

living interdependently

Once again, i thank You
Once again i pour out my life

i thank God for giving me a very nice companion. big thanks to heaps of my friends who helped me moving out. especially Peter, Kak Novi, Ci Iin, n the guys who helped to take my stuffs up into the second level. yes, its huge enough to be carried. not to mention Ci Iin and Joan who have been soooo nice allowing me to stay for one and a half months. thanks. thanks.
million of thanks. :)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

the sparkle needs to stop

i should stop counting the days
like how many days left then i can finally meet u
i should stop looking back
looking back and wondering how good it was to have u physically
i should stop living in blue
blue and gloomy seems like i have nobody left caring for me here
i should realise that my life is just more than waiting
or missing
i need to move on.
not literally move on
but 'move on'

ur LDR survivor

Friday, January 29, 2010

i miss u so much that it hurts

"cause u know i'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see u tonight"
Vanessa Carlton - Thousand Miles

sometimes i just cant bear the fact that we r miles away separated. i just realise that all these days, i have never done with it, i am just err.. running away. help me, comfort me, my feet is just too tired to run, my heart is just too tired to bleed, and my body is just too tired to pretend. i have failed to smile whenever i wake up cause i realise that it is just another same days without looking u in the eye. i am putting my mask down and u can see that i have never been strong, i was just pretending that i am. two years ahead. two years. two years ahead to live as a pretender. nevermind, life is always fake anyway. The fact is when u cry, when u even grout, the world will still revolve and too bad, it does not revolve on u. grass will still be green, violets will still be blue, life will keep on going, and he will still be a continent away. i can only force my self to believe that everything will be beautiful in His time. it is true.

"Kesabaran berbuah manis" - Ciko

happy Australian Day guys :)

went to mount Nebo for the Australian Days, and did the 2 km hiking. not quite a hiking though, it was more like an evening walk, and photograph session. lol. i dont know. soo damn exhausted , eventhough mine is not really tough actually. 2 km walk was just nothing compared to the guys who have successfully done the 5skm walk. how was the 'waterfall' my dear fellas? LOL

Thursday, January 28, 2010

am i too small? or did i do something wrong?

maybe the thing is,
no matter how hard i try,
n how i am dying to make my self adequate,
no, i wont ever ever be good enough to deserve what i think i deserve.

tell me, what am i supposed to do?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

fit in

every feet has their own shoes to fit. so please, try to stand on my shoes, and walk with them for miles.
then u may judge

Friday, January 22, 2010

fake smile

God, are You hiding somewhere? Your daughter is lost

beer will always do me good

had incredibly great lunch with the girls with garlic bread as our entree and a cheesecake, carrotcake, and mudcake afterwards. also had a beatiful dumpling beside casino in the evening. then finally had a chiller moment at The Beach House in the midnigt, indeed, ended up with jars of beer and wedges. i was deff fattening my self. i feel like walking home.

"People come and go. when they are gone, it means their duties in your life are over. but some of them are still there in your heart no matter how far and how long they've been gone. " - Joan

u can see the fireworks up in the sky, yet not on my face

the nye of mine was a blast one. but still, smthing is missing without having it all around with my parents. seriously, i never know that new year can be this gloomy without them

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

new year resolution

1. treat people like i want to be treated:
- stop canceling things last minute
- be more sensitive
- try not to please everybody
- respect people more
- stop judging people
- be good to all, cause everybody is unique.
they cant help that they r annoying :p
*common sense, be good to receive better. karma does exist!
2. better GPA.
* please God, i beg u. this is crucial for my next study plan.
3. serve You more,
with a grateful heart, for your glory, not mine :)
4. spread my wings, n stop dishing off opportunities
build connection, get out of my comfort zone, i know i have to!
- prepare my CV n cover letter, take every volunteer job that has come to my ibox
6. stop bluffing about my future plan
i have learned so much that the more i talk about it, the more impossible for it to come true
7. be more faithful, more understanding so we can make it works boo? :)

frankly, i hate making new year resolution, cause i know it wont work. lol. oh gee, so this wud be one of my resolution, my last resolution is:
8. make all of my resolutions come true

Friday, January 1, 2010

case of immortality

source: i can read