Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
thank you for everything,
we remain good friends.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
How i miss talking to You God. I have been acting so arrogant thinking that i do not need talking to You. I have been acting unfaithfully, thinking that talking to You will not solve any problem, will not make things better. Forgive me God.
I cannot find any words to explain how fragile i am. The storm inside my head. I barely can figure it out. Things happen. and i am too blind to see.
Why do you have to make everything immortal. Something good never lasts forever. So why do we have to live if everything will meet its end?
Words fail me. Amen.
"di saat iman mu goyah, disitulah iman mu dikuatkan dhis"
a friend that im pretty sure dont want his name to be mentioned here.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
for the very first time, i am not able to control things.
for the very first time, i am enable to get what i want.
for the very first time, people take me for granted.
my pride hurt, and i fall.
the world moves on, and it doesnt bring me along with it.
simply because it runs, and i remain walking.
im about to fall from grace, and you are not there to lift me up
oh i forgot. ur never there
Friday, June 18, 2010
naftaliaadhis moon can somehow be distant and cold. oh well, like Mars even has a moon. does it hav stars instead?
hanya_joan @naftaliaadhis at least Mars could be sweet and nice though its far away from venus. Venus sometime nvr know how Mars missing bein wit Venus
words fail me ...
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
i know You have been watching me like forever and You can see, how my pride hurted. i thank You for the people who have been so nice to me, for the chances that You have given for me. and i thank You, For the people that have been taking me for granted for some reasons, people who have been ignoring my thought, people who never take me seriously because of my limitation, because of my incapability. God, i beg You, heal me. Give me understanding that we, human, have our own part in this world.
You know how hurted it is when You feel like You cant count on anybody but Yourself. I know it feels like i forget to be grateful for people that You have given to me to help me. You know what it is about God, You know it so well. Words cant describe how i feel. You see beyond my heart. You see my tears during the night, and no one hears. i should have known that i cant count on nobody but You. not even the one that i always look up to Forgive me God. Forgive me that i prefer to count on something that i think more real than You. Who am i to think that You are surreal.
i will be one year older in few days, and i feel like i am supposed to feel special or something. no, i dont. i have this big dark shadow in my heart called emptiness. i cant move on. i simply cant.
anyway, 20 is a big deal, i dont think im ready to have this number in my forehead. Give me wisdom God, You know that im not even close to it. no im not.
You know what bothers me the most lately. You know how this future thingy has scared me like totally. You know how afraid i am not to finally get what i have been working for. You know how terrified i am not to have things i want the most. You know it all God. stand by me, give me the strength and serenity to accept things i cannot control. You know that world does not revolve around me that i cant always get what i always wanted. God, i need more strength, cause im just a human, fragile.
as usual, words fail me. if only i could talk to You face to face, like bestfriends always do. if only You could hug me and whisper me that everything is gonna be allright. Cause now, i desperately need one.
nb: what took You so long to heal me? is it inappropriate to ask for an instant healing?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
3. radio announcer
n now age almost 20, i really want to be
1. advertising copywriter
2. music video director
3. radio announcer
4. personal shopper
i found 2 things in common there *drum rolls
1. i have four dreams, not actually one. we supposed to be having only one dream to make it focus ey? that is the inconsistency of what i want to be until now which equals to me completely have no idea of what i actually want even at this stage, when i supposed to be sure about it
2. i wanted and still want to be a radio announcer. but screw that, online media kills the radio star. radio is soo traditional way of media, now is the era of online media. *long sigh.
Blanche : what have u been up to these days Adhis? havent heard from u for so long
Me : everything seems chaos Blanche :'( miss hanging around with youuu
Blanche : why? what could be going wrong in your wonderful life? you have heaps of achievements, a gorgeous boyfriend, your mom come to visit not long ago, surrounded by good friends, good grades. whats wrong?
Me : well, uhhmm ooh..
i should have answered her:
"nothing Blanche, i just forget how to be grateful"
and i keep playing dramaqueen
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
anyway, maybe its me, yang udah lupa gimana caranya bersyukur. being here, healthy, active oh yea what can gone wrong? a lot, i tell u.
have u ever felt like everything is gone wrong but u dont know what exactly it is? it happens to me.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Jadi teman-teman Indonesia yang ingin tahu lebih banyak tentang Brisbane, dan yang ingin tanya-tanya bagaimana rasanya hidup di Brisbane, kuliah/sekolah di Brisbane, bisa click di TANYA AMBASSADOR, dan saya sebagai Brisbane Student Ambassador yang baru siap menjawab dan share pengalaman-pengalaman saya di sini.
o btw, this is the official news article:
in addition to all that, I even got into The Australian and Courier Mail as well.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
just because someone fails to do something, doesn't mean they r not worth keeping.
i'm struggling to keep my eyes open to the alternative reality of things, trying not expect anything out of anybody else but myself.
ps: dammit, it is soo true
Monday, April 12, 2010
no matter how well we plan everything, life has its own plan for us. it is beyond our control, our power. u might be dissapointed. but as shit as it is, it happens. people keep bluffing around that nobody is perfect, but as pathetic as it is, people keep forcing us to be perfect. just like when it is wrong to be expert and it is also wrong to be less than that. human logic can be inlogical sometimes. God, whyd u have to create it soo complicated? just like life, u make it far more complicated. or maybe u know something that i dont know? yea right. what do i know?
Friday, April 9, 2010
I shout to the sea, and finally the wave stops and seems like staring on my eyes, trying to calm me down. Is it me or is it true. Eventhough the sea doesn look very usual, i keep on denying. Is it me or is it not. The sea and the fire dont have things in common. But simply, it takes more than commonest to blend.
by the way, i have been always wondering. how does it feel? to be in the moon. to be able to walk on it, day by day. will it be as beautiful as what i see from the earth? or is it far more beautiful? what i only know is i used to dream of it. years ago.
If only the moon were close to the earth. I would be able to reach it and feel its beauty. I wont need to find the sea, trying to find the reflection of the moon. it is just because i cant reach the moon, literally.
I know iam not that strong enough to get on to the sea anyway. I mean, come on. i hate water. And unfortunately sea is a big place covered up with water. This place is just not for me. i keep ensuring my self that.
But then i realise, now i get to see it through my apartment's window, eventually. only by looking out through my window, i can see the moon. it is just more than a girl could ask for. why do i need to so demanding anyway? it is here, in front of me. even u cant touch it, u still can feel it. nonetheless its far away.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Once again, i thank You
Once again i pour out my life
million of thanks. :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
like how many days left then i can finally meet u
i should stop looking back
looking back and wondering how good it was to have u physically
i should stop living in blue
blue and gloomy seems like i have nobody left caring for me here
i should realise that my life is just more than waiting
i need to move on.
not literally move on
but 'move on'
ur LDR survivor
Friday, January 29, 2010
Vanessa Carlton - Thousand Miles
sometimes i just cant bear the fact that we r miles away separated. i just realise that all these days, i have never done with it, i am just err.. running away. help me, comfort me, my feet is just too tired to run, my heart is just too tired to bleed, and my body is just too tired to pretend. i have failed to smile whenever i wake up cause i realise that it is just another same days without looking u in the eye. i am putting my mask down and u can see that i have never been strong, i was just pretending that i am. two years ahead. two years. two years ahead to live as a pretender. nevermind, life is always fake anyway. The fact is when u cry, when u even grout, the world will still revolve and too bad, it does not revolve on u. grass will still be green, violets will still be blue, life will keep on going, and he will still be a continent away. i can only force my self to believe that everything will be beautiful in His time. it is true.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
had incredibly great lunch with the girls with garlic bread as our entree and a cheesecake, carrotcake, and mudcake afterwards. also had a beatiful dumpling beside casino in the evening. then finally had a chiller moment at The Beach House in the midnigt, indeed, ended up with jars of beer and wedges. i was deff fattening my self. i feel like walking home.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
1. treat people like i want to be treated:
- stop canceling things last minute
- be more sensitive
- try not to please everybody
- respect people more
- stop judging people
- be good to all, cause everybody is unique.
they cant help that they r annoying :p
*common sense, be good to receive better. karma does exist!
2. better GPA.
* please God, i beg u. this is crucial for my next study plan.
3. serve You more,
with a grateful heart, for your glory, not mine :)
4. spread my wings, n stop dishing off opportunities
build connection, get out of my comfort zone, i know i have to!
5. GET A JOB.
- prepare my CV n cover letter, take every volunteer job that has come to my ibox
6. stop bluffing about my future plan
i have learned so much that the more i talk about it, the more impossible for it to come true
7. be more faithful, more understanding so we can make it works boo? :)
frankly, i hate making new year resolution, cause i know it wont work. lol. oh gee, so this wud be one of my resolution, my last resolution is: